Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
