I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
