the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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