I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
