If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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