toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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