I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
