Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
