okay pat passed out under dana's car
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
