Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
