she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
