I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
please come you make the beer taste better
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
