when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
