There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
