Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
