Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
