loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
