you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Randomize
