I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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