I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
