Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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