i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
