I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
