Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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