Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
