I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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