I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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