I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How does one acquire holy water?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
