I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize