Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
