these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
