My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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