He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
