A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I want to make a zoo with you.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
