I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
