So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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