moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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