I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
