Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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