People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
