all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
