Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
