I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
