I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
