I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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