cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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