It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Never underestimate the power of titties
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