He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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