so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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