Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
