if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
