its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
