pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
