She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
