I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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