just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My life is pants optional.
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