There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
