I want to walk on stilts...naked
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
