I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize