So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My pussy is not your playground.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize