I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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