Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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