his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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