Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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