He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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