we're chasing vodka with high fives
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
