ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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