Four minutes until I can fart!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
