then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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