Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize