she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
