Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
