i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
