I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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