Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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