KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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