I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
